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Royal Wedding

Top 10 : Quirkiest royal wedding souvenirs

By Matthieu Boisseau


As the royal wedding between HRH Prince William and Kate Middleton is now behind us, it is time to buy one of the souvenirs - each tackier than the last - which have sprung up across the UK.

From condoms to loo seat, the least one can say is that over-active imaginations have been at play...unfortunately at the expense of good taste.


However much the event itself will be a beacon of class and glamour across the world, support for the Royal Wedding has not been unanimous. The celebrations' impact on the public purse has been the object of much scrutiny. It is estimated that there will be a £5bn cost to the nation through loss of productivity and overtime payments, as some companies will effectively be shut down during 11 days with their employees making the most of their "extended bank holiday".


It has also been calculated that the security for the event will now cost as much as £20m, as the presence of thousands of additional policemen will be required. In these times of austerity the expenses are much discussed. The wedding is now said to be the most expensive security event staged in Britain. But as the saying goes : 'You can't put a price on love!"


Nevertheless, it is fair to say that the wedding is also expected to claw back up to £1 billion in extra tourist revenues and sales of memorabilia. Indeed, the souvenirs to be sold always draw people's attention: with people all over the world collecting royal wedding memorabilia they are part of the tradition.


1. The pizza



Pizza lovers will be able to "get a taste" of the royal wedding with Papa John's specially designed tribute pizza: a unique edible portrait of Prince 'salami and peppers' William and Kate 'mushrooms and cheese' Middleton to celebrate their marriage. Need more convincing? they are claiming the pizza is even better than the royal wedding menu. Enjoy !




2. Condoms


Should you want to truly celebrate like a king on the night of the 29th, in a way that would even rival Kate and William's wedding night, then there is no doubt the Crownjewelscondoms are what you need. Available in boxes of three or nine - depending on how energetic you feel - each condom is decorated with a portrait of the royal couple. As the official website explain, the condoms aim at 'combining the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-be', adding that 'Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure'. On 29th April, it is your turn to be the King.


3. The fridge

The royal fridge and freezer features life-size versions of Prince William and Kate Middleton on its door. The pictures were taken by photographer Mario Testino, and the 'wedding theme' was voted by fans on UK distributor of GE appliances GDHA's Facebook page. Want to prepare a meal for your loved ones? In their words : 'First get bombarded with images of the royal couple! Craving a midnight snack? Let Will and Kate stare you down! Need to change the Brita filter? Be reminded of how the young royals would never do such a thing! I'm ordering one this very minute'...



4. The mushy film


Here is the trailer of an unauthorized straight-to-DVD film which chronicles Kate and William's nine-year-relationship, beginning with their first meeting at the University of St Andrews. Unknown Australian actor Nico Evers-Swindell plays William, while Kate Middleton is played by British actress Camilla Luddington. Out to own on the 25th April, for die-hard fans only: trust me, this is not one for those with a sensitive gag-reflex.



5. Top trumps


The famous card game has now released a very special pack in celebration of the Royal wedding, featuring some of the reception's guests. After Pokémons, it is now the turn of William and Kate to be collected and traded in England's playgrounds. The height of recognition, I'm sure you'll agree.


6. The garden gnomes


Kingfisher is manufacturing commemorative royal wedding gnomes – on sale from mid-April and priced at £12.98 each or £20 for the pair – over the royal wedding period. Already the definition of kitsch, garden gnomes now come with Union Jack Bonnets and wedding clothes. To all you gnome fans out there: demand is understandably high, so get your hands on them quick!



7. 'Kiss me Kate' : the Royal beer


Nottingham-based ‘Castle Rock Brewery’ is celebrating the wedding of HRH Prince William and Kate Middleton by launching a very special traditional pale ale. The master brewer of the company proudly declared that the beer, soberly entitled 'Kiss me Kate', will be ”well balanced with a hint of bitterness and sweetness coming through”. Perfect for toasting the married couple!


8. The porn movie


According to the generally accepted internet rule 34, a very famous law in geek culture, porn films exists for any conceivable subject. In other words : 'if it exists, there is a porn version'. Well, congratulations to the engaged couple as there is now conclusive proof of their existence. Very little has been revealed about this adult parody of the royal wedding, other than the fact that Prince Charles will be depicted as a lustful fox! Here at Franceinlondon we didn't quite have the stomach for that particular image, but if you are made of sterner stuff then you can find it for yourself on the internet.  It will certainly show the royal sceptre from a different angle. (Many thanks to MJ)


9. Loo seat



"Just going to sit on the thrown with the sunday papers" need no longer be a post-breakfast euphemism with this loo seat (otherwise known as the embodiment of good taste). Even Royal's go, you know!






10. Sick bags


If you drink to excess on April 29th, this sick bag, emblazoned with a picture of the happy couple, will be your best ally. Lydia Leith, a 24-year old artist from Carlisle, has designed this sick bag to coincide with the royal occasion – and has already sold out of her first batch, available for £3 each. They can be bought in royal blue or postbox red and feature a sketch of the royal couple along with the messages 'throne up'. Hardy har har.


06/05/2011 - adam.nell said :

I agree with deanjennings. You are just jealous.

22/04/2011 - deanejennings said : French republicans are just insanely jealous of our lovely British monachy and all the trashy commercialisation we can wallow in. You cut the head of your king and now you're regretting it! ; )


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